Oh the Humanity!!

I have just witnessed the most attrocious piece of television catastrphe ever to hit the CRT. Yes folks, even worse than "Kill Bill vol. 1," which remains #1 on my "Biggest Waste of Time" list only because I suffered through the full 2 hours. After only minutes of watching "Skyscraper" I was already retching in agony at the depth of sheer badly-made-movieness that I had stumbled onto. It was all I could do to summon the strength and mental constitution to change the channel. I am sorry to report that I have actually lost 5 points from my IQ in the last 20 minutes, just from thinking about the movie after I turned it off. For those of you in Rio Linda, I'm dumber now. But what could one expect to find at 2:30 in the morning on cheap cable TV? With such stars as Anna Nicole Smith (no, before she became a Guess! Jeans model.... long before, from the looks of it) who OH! has her very own magazine article! In the National Enquirer! Also starring Branko Cikatic! Who's most famous accomplishments are in kickboxing and tae kwon do (i.e. he's never done TV before or since). The most notable actor (if you want to call the others actors) is Richard Steinmetz who is the only one who actually had a few TV rolls under his belt at the time.

Anyhow, the point is that this is the very attrocity that MeMedia Productions (M@ Kelling), Perfection (Your's Truly), and Doesn't-Have-A-Name-Yet (Jacob Burow), are trying to beat back to the firey chasm from whence they came!! It was an agonizingly horrendous performance and production. Heck, a man with a paper brain attended by a crazed chimpanzee could make a better movie. (editor's note: the previous sentence is entirely arbitrary and fictional, any similarity to any people or events in this article is purely coincidence... for those of you in Rio Linda: No, that sentence doesn't refer to Me and/or M@) Well, I guess somebody's gotta make the B-grade action flicks, it's a dirty job, but somebody's gotta do it. Or not.....