Christmas Humor
I got home today and discovered a package on our front porch. I'm very glad I went through the front door.
At any rate, inside the package was a doormat with the following message: "Please stay on the mat. Your visit is very important to us. Your knock will be answered in the order in which it was received." But perhaps even more entertaining was the label on the back. It read as follows: "This perfectly fine, in not certainly adequate doormat is made from 100% Olefin Indoor/Outdoor carpet and printed with color-fast inks. Wash with hose and brush. Dry flat. Do not machine wash. Important things you should know about your new doormat. Warning: Do not use mat as a projectile. Sudden acceleration to dangerous speeds may cause injury. When using mat, follow directions: Put your right foot in, put your right foot out, put your right foot in and shake it all about. This mat is not designed to sustain gross weight exceeding 12,000 lbs. If mat begins to smoke, immediately seek shelter and cover head. Caution: If coffee spills on mat, assume that it is very hot. This mat is not intended to be used as a placemat. Small food particles trapped in fibers may attract rodents and other vermin. Do not glue mat to porous surfaces, such as pregnant women, pets and heavy machinery. When not in use, mat should be kept out of reach of children diagnosed with CFED (Compulsive Fiber Eating Disorder). Do not taunt mat. Failure to comply relieves the makers of this doormat, Simply Precious Home Decor, and its parent company, High Cotton, Inc., of any and all liability."
The package also included a plaque with the following message: "If we knew what we were doing it wouldn't be called research." - Albert Einstein.
Thank you, Grandma Keener, for the holiday humor. :D
At any rate, inside the package was a doormat with the following message: "Please stay on the mat. Your visit is very important to us. Your knock will be answered in the order in which it was received." But perhaps even more entertaining was the label on the back. It read as follows: "This perfectly fine, in not certainly adequate doormat is made from 100% Olefin Indoor/Outdoor carpet and printed with color-fast inks. Wash with hose and brush. Dry flat. Do not machine wash. Important things you should know about your new doormat. Warning: Do not use mat as a projectile. Sudden acceleration to dangerous speeds may cause injury. When using mat, follow directions: Put your right foot in, put your right foot out, put your right foot in and shake it all about. This mat is not designed to sustain gross weight exceeding 12,000 lbs. If mat begins to smoke, immediately seek shelter and cover head. Caution: If coffee spills on mat, assume that it is very hot. This mat is not intended to be used as a placemat. Small food particles trapped in fibers may attract rodents and other vermin. Do not glue mat to porous surfaces, such as pregnant women, pets and heavy machinery. When not in use, mat should be kept out of reach of children diagnosed with CFED (Compulsive Fiber Eating Disorder). Do not taunt mat. Failure to comply relieves the makers of this doormat, Simply Precious Home Decor, and its parent company, High Cotton, Inc., of any and all liability."
The package also included a plaque with the following message: "If we knew what we were doing it wouldn't be called research." - Albert Einstein.
Thank you, Grandma Keener, for the holiday humor. :D
posted by Helen at 16:06
3 Comments:
As a high school graduation gift my mother gave me a mat that said "Hi. I'm Mat." That mat had the same sticker on the back.
Sadly, in the last week the wind took Mat away from me and I can't find it. Oh well.
Matthew
That is sad. Clearly the wind did not read the "do not use as a projectile" part.
Ha ha. I'm really glad no one will be gluing any doormats to me in the near future!
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